SELF SCARS   by Dominika Dratwa

The emotion of  great undoing and haunting was feeling unacceptable inwardly and unlovable externally.

During my healing, I had to face the challenge of dismantling my entire foundation of Sharon.  It was a task that I felt was out of me league to handle.  However, if I were to entertain the hope of living a life as my passions and heart called to me, I knew this was an option-less option. 

I chose back to myself rather than numb my suffering into oblivion making the remainder of my life a mockery ,continuing the denial of the expression of my being by my own hand.  No, if someone was going to step forth from the shadows and set me free, it looked like it had to be me.

So, I attended to the task. This is not the format for me to dive deeply into the waters of that experience, but that is the pool of water where I discovered how TRUE healing forges your original connection with the ESSE of your Being. 

TRUTH reveals and leaves no lingering doubts.  The Light was cast across my psyche and soul exposing the clarity of my suffering. 

It was emotional twisting and churning of my childhood woundings, still not understood by my adult consciousness.  The torment was the pain of separation, not being accepted by my family, and consequently not by many others. I found ways of giving myself away while believing I was "sticking to my guns" and remaining my ally, but, sadly, not so.

In TRUTH, I had learned to seek approval so as to feel I mattered and to get people to like me.  That I was not acceptable to others was a suffering I'd dance toward and away from relentlessly.  It was the unspoken inner questioning below my conscious awareness that bludgeoned me day and night till all the cracks in my structure belied my strength as tenuous because it was defending not accepting even myself.

I crafted a collage during this time frame that is a piece of artwork.   I gotten feedback that this is a powerful photo story worthy of reproduction.   I am on the hunt for a photo artist or photo journalist to collaborate with me, making this into a media others can benefit from.

My belief in myself was riddled with everyone else' doubts about me. Healing saved me from my sense of unlovable-ness and restored  my trust within by re-connecting my awareness  to my Inward Spirit.

The lingerings of the emotion of unacceptability have proved to be the grist of my mill. I do not think enough awareness is embodied in the collective consciousness of HUMANITY  to stop the behaviors that communicate unacceptability to our precious children. Children  must carry the baggage, in our ignorance, that we foist upon them flailingly in our attempts to lift the unnamed messages of suffering from our own beings, into their adulthood.  The cycle of unlearning is so wasteful to a life fully lived. 

This has been a very influential aspect of developing my compassion and insights leading to the development of the Prepared Parenting classes.  I am now enough God within me, that the unacceptable has been transformed to its counterpart of the calm of Oneness.

Thanks for asking.
All to Love, Sharon

I've quite busy with writing and rewriting to get some concision as I cull out the bottom line, digging through a miasmic twist of weedy thinking and laws that are presently the cause of an economic dysfunction that has been allowed to deteriorate into real life pain, suffering and losses for real people who are considered not worthy of being free from such things.

 Many are elderly, most all are hard working people who don't understand why their area is becoming impoverished and going bankrupt.  

Most, even the highly educated, are ascribing the wrong reasons and causes to this plight, only creating more frustrations as they aren't solving the real cause of their problems.  They are tired, and hope lessens as the years of effort seem so futile. 

I can't stand to sit idly by as I have discovered the TRUE cause.

Representative Charles Key asked me to give input at an Interim Study evaluating the need for Oklahoma Sales Tax Code reform because it is antiquated and not abreast with present day economic functioning.  I was the lone Voice of the Taxpayer speaking to its inequities and harm it was having on the quality of life.

What astounded me at the hearings was how cavalier and narcissistic many city leaders, who happen to be benefiting as long as the law remains outdated, were to the suffering of others.

While they can add 2+2, and recognize how there is a massive number of citizens being harmed, as long as it is not their townspeople, it is considered their right to "get all they can for themselves, and too bad for anyone hurt in the process."  The cavalierness and indifference have been haunting me ever since the meeting. 

We have reached a very troublesome place in our general Spirit.  A  moral compass is despised as a negative and considered an irrelevant concern. 

I think  today our fighting arena it was worse than watching gladiators whacking people to death, because with the gladiator, the kill and violence were honest; there was no con about the decadence or cruelty.  It was in your face and clearly ignorant and harsh, albeit for some it was exciting and entertaining, even though it was barbaric.

In the arena I sat in at the State Capital, I got to witness pompous  politicians don self-righteous garbs and pretend to be caring, while making a mockery of the concept of caring. 

I was watching as some politicians were honestly wringing their hands and bearing their souls for their people, but they didn't know how to deliver this pain with gusto and vim so when the political bullies were delivered the podium, they turned it into pedestals of self appointed idols proffering  specialness and self-righteous spinning of facts to make the most clear-headed muffled and wondering if they had a valid point or not. 

Of course, they handed the Representatives who were advocating for change a dose of shame and blame for their plights.  It had an ugly side I wasn't fully expecting to witness.

If it were a TV show, it would be a comedy of a phenomenal number of errors!  But as a reality, it was horrifying to witness such disregard and selfishness. The sincere politicians were determined to prevail, but I could see how it was tiring them to keep the raz-maz out of the mix with the facts.

The next few days I read the news and observed how people responded.  Again, I was sorely disappointed, but not absolutely so. 

The Internet is a powerful media that allows for people to connect and communicate about misrepresentation of information, and it is equally the medium to gunk up information into a real clog. 

We live in interesting times.  Our minds are so sophisticated as to be our own "worst enemies."   We can think we are right and produce a spinning top of information that even the originator of the spin can get lost in.

The most puzzling part of the feedback I saw coming in from the "news," was that the voter's were being duped into "biting their own hand" on this issue.

This was because the means of educating the public without direly putting them into a  "brain coma" over sorting out the complexities, and the lies woven throughout the facts, is something, we are still trying to figure out.

I was wondering, it occurred to me as I was writing this,

I am most in need to know --

• if the issue makes sense
• what is your bottom line sense of the issue?
• does it move you to be vested in taking any action, If you were an OK resident?
• is there anything confusing? unclear? needing more OR less detail?
• is there enough passion?  too much?
• are  the facts clear or diffused?
• anything else I should be alerted to?
• my writing style too complex?  too simple?  too ??? OR not enough of something??I
  

THE LINKS for REVIEW and COMMENT:

A Okie look at all thing Politics

Lack of taxes could hurt towns

City official cool to idea of sharing sales taxes

Sales tax sharing proposal pits big cities vs. small towns

If anyone would choose to help, I'd find your honest input most useful and shall put it to good use.

 I really want to do right by this, my soul compels involvement even though my mind and responsibilities, say, "Let it be."    Thank You. 

The Spirit has a political calling in that it is the Spirit beating each and every heart on this planet.. If the hand of those with more balanced thought don't stir the political thought with a conscience, WHO WILL?

All to Love,
Sharon

It is my BeLoved vehicle, so I take great care of it.  I ponder its amazing ability to function as it does.  I appreciate with gratitude many of its more endearing qualities such as the silkiness and softness of the feel of my skin, and really beautiful feet.

 I know I ordered this fine vehicle for my jaunt this time around, so I must admit I often ask myself, "What was I thinking?" ... like ordering baby fine hair, a short stature that would require me to have step ladders in every room of the house, a weak valve at the esophagus, and the like!

IAnd, oh yes, I find the wonderfully delicious taste of cream, one of those delights that makes another trip to Earth, worth the visit!

All To Love
Sharon

Learning! I ask questions and enjoy discovering. Learning is the integral quality that bestows upon me its fulfillment - to teach what I learn forward.

I live to learn, I learn to teach.

It is a quality of the TAO I have natural affinity with.  It is my joy to make the learning process enjoyable for others.

All to Love,
Sharon

PS
I am not fond of using the word expert because I've seen so many people use it like some form of worship holding up their "box of knowledge."  Sitting on one's laurels of expertise, is not the behavior of a TRUE expert, one so well grounded in their area of expertise that they function "from the hip" meaning they have actualized "the stuff."

Man's inhumanity to man...apathy, indifference, violence, torture, and all things vampirish and pesty  that  suck the enjoyment  out of life (mosquitoes, ticks, fleas, etc) and give way to meanness.

All to Love,
Sharon