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cancer
April 2009 
My Tribute to My Dad- To the Man Behind the Mask…"Dear ole' Dad
Posted on Jun 13th, 2007
by 
Sharon
Sharon
Father's Day Card by Janbrett.com
For those who still have a father's day to celebrate, here's a little about looking back and remembrance while "in the living years."
Both my parents have passed on and I've gotten use to no longer having a home to return to. My mother died of renal cancer leaving my father to live on without her for about 8 years before he died at home with lung cancer*.
I think he was terribly lonely without her. He filled some of that loneliness with serving others. He volunteered for Meal on Wheels and became a church deacon so he could pray with those who desired such companionship.
I never knew he was so engaged. In finding new meaning to drown out the loss of his wife, he was blessing others. My heart swelled with warmth as I stumbled upon these crumbs of his life left behind for me to pick up afterwards and be so informed … Again, nicer yet if it had been "in the living years," but I take my gifts as they come to me, grateful for the receiving at any time!
When he started to cough up blood, I think he got scared, because he started to call me long distance to talk. This was not something he did. I was grateful and happy for the reach-out, and I'd share with him my more unusual (to him) insights of healing and spirituality.
He never told me so, but, much to my surprise, many years after his passing, his youngest sister related to me how he would call her after our conversations and tell her how much I had comforted him. Hummmm….funny how we tend to keep such precious things to ourselves when they would have been much better shared….
I flew home a few days before he died, I think he was waiting for me to come home. We forgave each other for the pain that we tossed back and forth to each other through the years; it was as if there was this huge elephant in the room that neither one of us was able to address well enough to get rid of it prior to his last days. We melted that elephant when he was too weak to fight anymore, and I was sufficiently healed to release whatever need be.
What was really amazing was that my father was open to the me he never understood and struggled so hard to accept. When I asked him, half expecting a wry, "No.", if he wanted me to lay hands upon him for healing, He grabbed my hands and pulled me close to his face, staring deeply into my eyes, and he whispered, "How could I ask for anything More?"
I was stunned. I was pleased. And so, he opened, and I opened giving from the Infinitely graceful part of SELF, easing his suffering and fears. As the time passed that gentle fall afternoon, he started to hum a melody and a soft smile lit his pale waning face. For me this shall remain a memory of how simple, and yet how very lovely forgiveness is.
His death transition, a day or so later, is another wonderful story to tell sometime. Each time I've told it, someone has been touched by the tenderness and joy it beholds.
After he died and we did the family disposal of his household, I found lots of notes he had written to himself, some were despairing, some tender and quite touching. Nonetheless, I discovered a man who never revealed his more sheltered and hidden side. I was glad to get to know this part of him; I always suspected it was so, too.
I keep feeling a renewed sense of love and care for my dad that had gotten lost in all of our silences and conflicts. There's a song, In the Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics that speaks to this so elegantly, I shall close with their words and music. Enjoy, for this is a fantasic song of great wisdom.
AFTER THOUGHT: I made a Montage to My Dad in my Photos:
All to Love,
Sharon
*[I know, I get the "cancer thing" ... So much held onto and never given the expression it was longing to give, I call it "the denial of the expression of our being." It will "eat away at you" until it is freed and given the wings of movement. You cannot contain "verbs inside of you," that is things that need doing or communicating, are active with gnawing energy, and will either give life to your being or will make you ill by their withholding.]
For those who still have a father's day to celebrate, here's a little about looking back and remembrance while "in the living years."
Both my parents have passed on and I've gotten use to no longer having a home to return to. My mother died of renal cancer leaving my father to live on without her for about 8 years before he died at home with lung cancer*.
I think he was terribly lonely without her. He filled some of that loneliness with serving others. He volunteered for Meal on Wheels and became a church deacon so he could pray with those who desired such companionship.
I never knew he was so engaged. In finding new meaning to drown out the loss of his wife, he was blessing others. My heart swelled with warmth as I stumbled upon these crumbs of his life left behind for me to pick up afterwards and be so informed … Again, nicer yet if it had been "in the living years," but I take my gifts as they come to me, grateful for the receiving at any time!
When he started to cough up blood, I think he got scared, because he started to call me long distance to talk. This was not something he did. I was grateful and happy for the reach-out, and I'd share with him my more unusual (to him) insights of healing and spirituality.
He never told me so, but, much to my surprise, many years after his passing, his youngest sister related to me how he would call her after our conversations and tell her how much I had comforted him. Hummmm….funny how we tend to keep such precious things to ourselves when they would have been much better shared….
I flew home a few days before he died, I think he was waiting for me to come home. We forgave each other for the pain that we tossed back and forth to each other through the years; it was as if there was this huge elephant in the room that neither one of us was able to address well enough to get rid of it prior to his last days. We melted that elephant when he was too weak to fight anymore, and I was sufficiently healed to release whatever need be.
What was really amazing was that my father was open to the me he never understood and struggled so hard to accept. When I asked him, half expecting a wry, "No.", if he wanted me to lay hands upon him for healing, He grabbed my hands and pulled me close to his face, staring deeply into my eyes, and he whispered, "How could I ask for anything More?"
I was stunned. I was pleased. And so, he opened, and I opened giving from the Infinitely graceful part of SELF, easing his suffering and fears. As the time passed that gentle fall afternoon, he started to hum a melody and a soft smile lit his pale waning face. For me this shall remain a memory of how simple, and yet how very lovely forgiveness is.
His death transition, a day or so later, is another wonderful story to tell sometime. Each time I've told it, someone has been touched by the tenderness and joy it beholds.
After he died and we did the family disposal of his household, I found lots of notes he had written to himself, some were despairing, some tender and quite touching. Nonetheless, I discovered a man who never revealed his more sheltered and hidden side. I was glad to get to know this part of him; I always suspected it was so, too.
I keep feeling a renewed sense of love and care for my dad that had gotten lost in all of our silences and conflicts. There's a song, In the Living Years by Mike and the Mechanics that speaks to this so elegantly, I shall close with their words and music. Enjoy, for this is a fantasic song of great wisdom.
AFTER THOUGHT: I made a Montage to My Dad in my Photos:
http://asimplegnosis.zaadz.com/photos/album/5546
It's not as cool as I'd like with all the flash and stuff, but it is a humble beginning.All to Love,
Sharon
*[I know, I get the "cancer thing" ... So much held onto and never given the expression it was longing to give, I call it "the denial of the expression of our being." It will "eat away at you" until it is freed and given the wings of movement. You cannot contain "verbs inside of you," that is things that need doing or communicating, are active with gnawing energy, and will either give life to your being or will make you ill by their withholding.]
Access: Public
I really fussed on how to make a slide show like I've seen others do on these site, but so far, I've not successfully pulled it off.
Anyone willing to tutor me so I may add a more visual depth to this via a component ? :)
Here is an animated ecard of a polar bear (staying with the theme of the card that is in your post) showing its softer side, relaxing in a field of flower. It is suitable for father's day as well.
http://www.ojolie.com/index.php?step=preview&ec_id=20
Lee, Thank You so very much for sharing - that is a delightful website, and the quality is touchingly precious!
I love how this interactive ability connects us with so much MORE than we'd find on our own…your kind sharing really brightened my day and deepened the content of my sharing. I am grateful.
All to Love, Sharon